The past is a gaping hole. The more you try to run from it the more deeper and darker it grows behind you. Its edges yawning ar your heels.It's got into my mind. It's dictating terms, am helpless am just like the fish inside a fish tank. My mind is in one place. It's my pride. I feel am dead, I realise my mistakes. My pride took over me. It took me for a ride, a ride too far. Too far than i expected.
Fine sunday evening I decided to write my biography. I sat down at my table, with my "cross" shining like a silver cigar. I would say it's not my biography , it's my confession. The confession that I should make. I have the best carrier record than any police men in this country has. Neither have I had my hand dirty nor my shirt soiled. I was one of the best or rather "the best" of policemen. I have done it all from catching the Ganja mafia to killing dons and god fathers(as they think themselves to be one). My last encounter was terrible, it haunts me and it will haunt me rest of my life. Law and Righteousness are the two words I tell myself to sleep in the nights.
Convicts are usually ellusive objects, they always tend to escape no matter whatever trap set against then. Just like the one who was running in front of me. Yes ! it was an encounter the first time i encountered "LIFE". That day changed my life. Every one is born in this world , they grow like every other animal, trees and plants, but only a few live ! live for a cause or a dream. May be even a distant dream they are chasing. I am one among them I am now running behind time and my dream. The dream which took me 25 years to realise. Am now counting my days to grave, am afraid I would see my dream come true.
Recalling that day back. I could see fear in his eyes, his lips struck with sheer horror waiting to kiss the mouth of my gun. I shot him below his left knee disabling him to run futher, I should have killed him else I would'nt be writing this. Any way it did not make any use after all he ended up in a dead end. He made himself comfortable under a lamp post. It was well past 11 and the place was as silent as grave. I stared going near him with my gun ready to bust his head off. He broke the silence "whom do you want to speak ? The CM? The Minister? tell me who . He was well built with every cell in his body made of arrogance. I gave him a sinister smile like "The Satan on a Christmas day!". He understood Iwould not show any mercy for his words. I guess he stopped beliving in people and he found a new friend "money". I poined my gun towards him this time really closer to his head. Ha ha ! his friend had betrayed him.
He held my leg really tight . Tears from his eyes polished my shoes, He then came up with a sad story the story of his own. He cried begging for life "I have a wife and two children, and people working under me, their families! I beg you sir!". May be he acted like a pro , I would not say I was moved. But I started thinking different may be I was old, or I had just began to think as human rather than a policemen. I could see no meaning in this encounter.
I did not know what to do! I was in a mental trauma. I started speaking to him, I din't know I spoke so long to him. Our conversation lasted for nearly 3 hours. I started ralising life, a philosophy something larger than this war,crimanals and other "worldly things".
I made up mind to let him go, I know i can come up with a good story and manage to getaway with it. I decided to let him go, I told him to look out for a new life and move from the city or state. I Started walking away and he was relieved and he was taking a deep breath.
F**k something struck me! yes those were the late days of my carrier and I will have a dirt in my shirt or in my skin which i can never clean off. And what happened me ? where did my work ethics go? I should not be leaving a "criminal" out there!
All these ran over when i walked the next ten steps. I still remember that moment , moment of my foolishness, the moment when Satan took over me!
That second the trigger was plotted,with the bullet trembling in it's dark nest ready to blow his head off! I shot him , not once not twice five times finishing my ammo! Every gunshot was a questionmark leaking out! I felt the gun fused in my hand. He is dead!
Even though after retiring I started fighting for human rights that day took over my life!
One mistake, I know I was foolish.My pride took over me. I was affected by "IT". It's a deadly disease which every one have! everywhere I could only see it. They call it "SUPERBIA".
